Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
