I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
