he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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