You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
