just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want her autograph on my taint
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
