I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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