i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
