He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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