my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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