Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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