and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
