When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
