I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
wow bdsm is so cute
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
