but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
