i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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