I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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