Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
