I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
