I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
