I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
