it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
