FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
