sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
