i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize