Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
