Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
