i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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