You smell like stripper and shame
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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