drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
honey bunches of taint.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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