the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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