it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
