I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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