just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
