Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
