Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
