ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
