dude i'm inner monologue high
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
