that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
