You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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