If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
