I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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