Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
