when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
