Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
