you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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