Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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