Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
