but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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