life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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