...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
