Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
