he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
