Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
