this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
