So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
