Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
