Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
