I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
