I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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