we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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