Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
