Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
