community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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