how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
