i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These tits shall not be calmed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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