finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
