remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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