first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
