just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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