She is in my trunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
