My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
