It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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