he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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