I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize