"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
