I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
