My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
