I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
