I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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