I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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