i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
