my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
