We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In America we eat man semen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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