should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
