she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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