Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
