TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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