remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
